Everything is disappearing… is there anything real here?

I look into the mirror, I ask myself the question over and over again….

Do i even exist?

Perhaps things in life are just moving too quickly, the continuous screaming for the a second to breathe, the constant wishing of a pause in life. Or am i just moving too slow to make a significant difference?

First is Sean, then Carol now Shing is going too. I can’t bring myself to the thought of Aaron Alex from even leaving for Army. The feelings kill me inside out. Making me want pause the world and tell the world to give me a chance to savor the moment. Is it really that hard. It guess is a dream, Something that is impossible in reality.

Let me pause life. Let me be what i plan to be. Let me be… Me

Life…. You are an formidable enemy to mankind.

Gone.

Blinding sun and Drowning rain…

Say that I’m right,
Say that I’m wrong.
No Matter what you say,
I’m still going home.
Because there is where i belong.

This words kept reciting in my head.

Exhaustion have overwhelmed me. Dropping eyelids, hurting ears and unresponsive brain. It became a tell tale sign of breaking down. As exhaustion takes over one, it loses its phase that it tries to remain, making one feel like the entire world is back on his back.  It loses its guard to everything around him, and…

Everything goes out of control.

Emotions that i thrown into the backseat,  hoping i will never ever need them again. They seems to keep on growing back into me and It haunts me. The terror of bringing back those emotions, making me back what i was, it was fear.

The fear to return back to myself again.

I don’t know what i want to right this time.

Perhaps its just another sign that i should be resting. Eternal rest seems so tempting…

Gone.

Contradictions in life.

Change Yourself for the better,

Yet, they say.

always be true to yourself, Be Yourself.

There he is, trying to change himself to fit into the society.
There she is, trying to change the entire society to fit themselves.
There they are, trying to be themselves.

And this is where we lie, on the contradicting question in life, to change? or not to change. It is hard not to change in life such as survival factors and genetic factors. At the same time, it is hard to change, such as habits and things around you.

Gone through a few hate messages, as a result of change, the want to change for someone to the better, well to make sure they stop changing people to who they want to be with. Contradicting isn’t it? There you are trying to change someone, to make sure someone doesn’t change people.

Changes are hard to accept. Friends change, You just wish they didn’t. You changed, You wish they did too.

This reminds me of the general paper’s essay question , Is change necessarily  good?

At the end, I believe one have their rights to change themselves, whether to change for the good, Or remain to be true. Perhaps u may disagree. I broke too many unwritten rules of life. I am sure I shall, or rather, try not to change people around that wish not to be changed. It is about respect. But even if one tries to change another, One still is the one that chooses to be changed.
One still have to decide whether the change is for the good.

Good… who decides it…

Gone.

P.S. Dedicated to Melody and Jean. Apologies about my recklessness to try changing what you really are, Not someone that people want you to be. but Someone u are really are. From the inside.

Take The Leap Of Faith.

Let’s not worry about falling.

Spending the entire day studying, trying to work out something work. Eventually, hoping everything turns out the way we wish. Pretty much, that sums up a life of being a college student. One thing i worry, after college… alright… After national service. Where would I be?

Some people chose to be somewhere because they believe the society need them to be there, such as people who wish to be rich want to be lawyers and doctor, for the sake of material want. I wish not to be like them. I wish I could chase down my dreams, my future, my passion…. But the question, will we still end up in the place we want to be?

Only one thing remains in my mind, take the leap of faith. For once, believe in what you are doing. My friend questions me, “Why you want to keep pursuing love in life? You will just end up getting hurt.” Perhaps that is life, don’t let the future scare you, trust in yourself that you can do it. Take it as. Make the mistake, Take the fall. Only when you bear with the rain, there will be rainbows.

I wish I could accept changes in life.

Perhaps i should learn to believe.

Not just in life.

Not just in people.

But oneself.

Because no matter how you look at life.

It ends with you.

Gone.

Mistakes that we want to make.

Not Because We Have To, But We Want To.

Life have been rather…. Horrifying with the rise of promotional examinations. It is just disturbing to know about people being able to pass through College life without killing themselves. The stress level became like a plague. A disease that trying to put people feel that they are sane in a insane lifestyle. A monster out there feeding upon hope, the oxygen for the soul.

There I am, in a crowd of isolation, grasping for a breath. Perhaps there are differences between what you have to do and what you really one. it just happens, as we age by the seconds, we tend to move away from what we really want to be, the desire we seek since birth. Looking around the masks that had surround me, sadness engulfs me, like how would a piece of tissue would disappear in flames. Reality became vivid, the “me” i was changing to, was lost, forgetting the way back to the person i really want to be.

Perhaps this is the mistake i have to make in life. Or rather, I want to make. Not just for accommodating people around me, but for the sake of being alive on this world. Everyone has mistakes, in fact, mistakes are inevitable, due to the fact humans are just flawed, Heavily flawed. We may even face to choose between which mistakes to make. Mistakes makes our life, as what we are. Life is only great if u believe it is. Life is not about perfecting it, it’s just a unbalanced game that is impossible to attain 100% completion and simply because the perfect factor that decides where we land up, The perfect die with infinite side. Fate.

If it is a mistake i have to make to make life great. I will give it my all to make that mistake.

Gone.